Its been a bizarre several days, and its only helped to clarify a few things that have been bouncing around in my head. This Spring break will probably be one of the most fruitful and needed breaks I have had in a while. Because I really need time to vent and decompress. I should have been in bed an hour ago, but my brain says no. It is trying hard to find the words I want to spit out and say but it ends up just churning out white noise that distracts me to the point of insomnia. Its frustrating.
Gaming night tonight was super short on account of us missing a player due to spontaneous marriages. Its sad that I am more frustrated by gaming being cut short than I am happy that my cousin got married. Neither of which are significant influences on me. I find that I am just confused and nonplussed about the whole thing. What can I say? The wheel continues to turn and so I must continue on.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with my mom for a while and talk to the rest of the 'movers and shakers' in the family and try and get their permission to get a roommate to make up for aforementioned impulsiveness. At least I don't instead have to go begging to sleep on someone's couch for the rest of the year while I try to find a job. The world around me is so damned unstable its hard to trust/rely on anything anymore. Its tough to make plans more than a month in advance without worrying that something drastic will change on me. Im cranky that I am going to have to monopolize my chances to talk to family and catch up with talks of battle plans and things spiraling out of control instead of good times or other important issues I could bring up.
I checked my horoscope fortune at the beginning of the year said I would have an Auspicious year, and no bad months to speak of. Its 5 days into this month, so there is still plenty of time to turn things around still, but at the pace things are going, its looking like they're wrong. I'll figure out some way to pull this off, but its been a long time since I have been so stressed out. Its definitely showing in my productivity this semester at school and its making even my occasional depression sit on the backburner. I've been getting cranky and animatedly angry a lot more than I have in a looooong time, and not sleeping well.
I wish I could use my blog for things aside from venting, but so far, everything else seems like its just so much less important. And if I go talking about Kamen Rider Bugmans or videogames on here it just takes away from when I actually get to have real live conversations. That being said, you should all go watch Chuck, Castle, Kamen Rider OOOs, and come to bad movie nights. They are good stuff. Oh and Burn Notice too, that ones a good one.
Well, the white noise of stress and faulty brain workings is diminished and I think I can go sleep now or at least go do some more reading til I pass out. My laundry is in the dryer and all thats left for me to do tomorrow is roll out of bed, shower, chug a rip it and then wait for mom. I'm wagering that tonights dreams are going to be something like me struggling to climb a mountain that keeps breaking apart as I try to climb or other symbolic interpretation of my mood of late. I really just want to catch a break for a change.
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