Its been a little while since I updated, but things have changed a bit since then. The grandparents have given a tentative go ahead to move for Tele, so gears are in motion. Everyone still has their reservations, and I am tackling them one at a time. Jazz hands and I had a long talk about everything under the sun and hopefully we've made some good progress on that front. Tomorrow/today I am going up north to talk to the grandparents and finalize all of this business and put it behind us. Its been a nice bit of forward momentum and I'm not about to stop things as they get bigger and (hopefully) better.
Jazz Hands also wanted to start up a diet regimen for the two of us, and the title of this post was his primary argument. I can't really fault his logic either. It was hard trying to tell a close family member that up to this point, you'd basically given up on trying to make a difference and chose food as a more enjoyable form of bullet for your problems. We're going to try to slow boil the frog and see if we can't just sneak up to weight loss without much thinking put into it. My first guess is that its just going to be a means of guilting me into eating out less and making him feel better about himself. Weight loss is probably so hard because its always the beautiful people who try to con you into it.
So many things going on in my brain right now, so much stuff to process and plan for. My game of social chess is spiraling wildly and I have to keep up as best I can. So many fires to put out. As for school, I'm using next semester as a feeler to see if I can actually survive in my Econ major. I've got a pretty sweet schedule, and if I do alright back in economics, then I may just tough it out as a sign of good faith for the family since they actually went and fooled me and are probably going to let me keep going to school.
My motivation is coming back for things around the house and I hope that it keeps up because its way better to be positive about these things than to sit back and watch everything fall apart instead. I'm praying that everything works out like I hope, and dreading the moment everything falls to pieces.
I need to get back into writing. If I can get a book going, I may just find something I can do with my life that I can enjoy. We'll see how it goes. For the moment, everything seems to be coming up OOOs.
The last olive branch
So, I've been dealing with this whole living situation debacle for the last couple weeks. Putting out the fires that Archangel decided to dump on me. At every turn, the family seems to support me, but then, when I look away to count on them to do something, they just let it sit. So, I decided to do it myself and start the ball rolling. Tele's plans have changed and he wants a decision now rather than later, so we're gonna tip over the apple cart and see what comes out.
I've talked to mom about things and ended up sending her a rather venom filled email about empty promises and overt slacking off and how this entire situation is just riling me up into a giant ball of frustration. We'll see how she takes it tomorrow. If I don't have an answer by the end of this week though, I'm done (barring something major that is excusable, like death or someone else getting married). I tried to explain to mom how this whole situation is hard for me on account of the last situation with roommates and how that ended poorly and how grandpa has one last shot at this making friends business before I am done with him, but we'll see if she catches on. Its hard to flat out tell your parents that you're gonna disavow their parents if they fuck you over one more time (or at least write them a nasty letter wishing them a miserable last few years of life).
At the moment I am super pissed, scowling and about ready to write off the last half of my family and just ride things out alone from here on out. Its amazing what anger can do to a depressed brain. I've had so many random ideas. All bad, but some more amusing than others. I'm hoping sleep helps, but I just have this feeling today that I've pushed too hard and everything I want is going to slip through my fingers once again.
Seems to be the story of my life.
I've talked to mom about things and ended up sending her a rather venom filled email about empty promises and overt slacking off and how this entire situation is just riling me up into a giant ball of frustration. We'll see how she takes it tomorrow. If I don't have an answer by the end of this week though, I'm done (barring something major that is excusable, like death or someone else getting married). I tried to explain to mom how this whole situation is hard for me on account of the last situation with roommates and how that ended poorly and how grandpa has one last shot at this making friends business before I am done with him, but we'll see if she catches on. Its hard to flat out tell your parents that you're gonna disavow their parents if they fuck you over one more time (or at least write them a nasty letter wishing them a miserable last few years of life).
At the moment I am super pissed, scowling and about ready to write off the last half of my family and just ride things out alone from here on out. Its amazing what anger can do to a depressed brain. I've had so many random ideas. All bad, but some more amusing than others. I'm hoping sleep helps, but I just have this feeling today that I've pushed too hard and everything I want is going to slip through my fingers once again.
Seems to be the story of my life.
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