So, I've been dealing with this whole living situation debacle for the last couple weeks. Putting out the fires that Archangel decided to dump on me. At every turn, the family seems to support me, but then, when I look away to count on them to do something, they just let it sit. So, I decided to do it myself and start the ball rolling. Tele's plans have changed and he wants a decision now rather than later, so we're gonna tip over the apple cart and see what comes out.
I've talked to mom about things and ended up sending her a rather venom filled email about empty promises and overt slacking off and how this entire situation is just riling me up into a giant ball of frustration. We'll see how she takes it tomorrow. If I don't have an answer by the end of this week though, I'm done (barring something major that is excusable, like death or someone else getting married). I tried to explain to mom how this whole situation is hard for me on account of the last situation with roommates and how that ended poorly and how grandpa has one last shot at this making friends business before I am done with him, but we'll see if she catches on. Its hard to flat out tell your parents that you're gonna disavow their parents if they fuck you over one more time (or at least write them a nasty letter wishing them a miserable last few years of life).
At the moment I am super pissed, scowling and about ready to write off the last half of my family and just ride things out alone from here on out. Its amazing what anger can do to a depressed brain. I've had so many random ideas. All bad, but some more amusing than others. I'm hoping sleep helps, but I just have this feeling today that I've pushed too hard and everything I want is going to slip through my fingers once again.
Seems to be the story of my life.
I've been trying to put my feelings out somewhere, and I just found this post today. It seems like a fair place to say what has really been on my mind. I hope this finds you in a timely fashion. I have been wanting to say something, but I could never find the right time or place. So here goes. I'm just going to get it out and see where it lands.
ReplyDeleteI am your biggest fan. I have been constantly hoping and praying that things work out your way. I have always had faith in you. Most times, it felt like I was the only one in the world who thought you were worth a damn. It was difficult and often exhausting to watch as you got frustrated with life, and I came to so many dead-ends where I felt the only thing I could do was watch and wait for a spark of inspiration.
I wasn't the best roommate, and I certainly wasn't always there for you when you needed me. For better or worse, I never stopped doing my own thing and living my own life. But the worst thing I did was keep to myself. I began leaving you alone when you got into a bad mood, partially just because I didn't feel I had time. In retrospect, leaving that disconnect between us fostered resentment, and it hurt me that I didn't resolve it.
To make a long story short, I am your second biggest supporter in all things (second to your mom). I would do anything to see you regain your lost glory. I have and will always support you any way that I can. You are an amazing friend, and I care for you dearly. I know that you are going to make it. I don't hope or pray that you'll make it. I know it.
I love you Emperor.